Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
