I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's no shave November. This is our time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
