I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
