Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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