And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
