Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
