Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
