mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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