I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
