I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
