You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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