Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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