My room smells like vodka and shame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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