yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
