I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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