I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
