Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
