i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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