she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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