Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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