I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
