it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
