Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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