My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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