So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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