all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
