Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
