No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
