you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
