Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
