good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
