Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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