the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
