..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
