just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
