Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mom said you looked used
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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