Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
