On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
