im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
