saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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