I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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