i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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