I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
