I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
