What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
