I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
