Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
