its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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