I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
