um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
