Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
