i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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