So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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